This blog has come to be a way for me to process Big Things on my heart. Which is not bad, but is not necessarily what I intended it for. So here are some unadulterated good moments, most of the courtesy of my nearly four-and-a-half-year-olds.
- Tonight Audrey wrapped an arm around my neck as I knelt by her bed and said, “I wish you could stay here with me forever.”
- The other night when Theresa woke up to use the potty, she said as I carried her back to bed, “I love you love you love you.”
- This morning during snuggle time (i.e. awake kids but not-so-awake parents), I told Jamie I was close to falling off the bed. He grabbed my hand and held onto it. When Audrey asked him to play a game, he said, “No, I have to get Mom.”
- A couple of weeks ago: a beautiful sunny, long-shadowed, late afternoon. A small hill at the park. Audrey and Jamie starting at the top and racing down as I held my arms open for them to launch into. Love and trust in motion.
- The things they say to be silly:
- “und-bareless” (going commando); “pants-bareless” (unds but no pants); “und-pant-bareless” (you figure it out)
- Banana and Bampy! (or, Dad, they started a new one: Fumpy)
- “festible” and “tobbler”
- “zoofing” (sliding down a bannister)
- Recent good events:
- Visit from Nana and Grampy
- Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium with Adam and Andrea
- Ellie’s second birthday party (with the very thoughtful vegan cupcake provided for me)
- Theresa-mommy day at the Seattle Aquarium
- Thank-you e-mail from a former student
I am also grateful for: poetry, working with my students on their college application essays, finding time to bond with friends, making two different kinds of stuffing for Thanksgiving, goat cheese, train sets, yoga, cocktails, fleece pants, polar bears, Saturday night dancing to The Swing Years and Beyond.
Halloween night: the neighbor opened the door, holding a bowl of candy. Instead of “Trick or treat!”, Audrey said, “I like chocolate.” After receiving her treat and heading back toward the sidewalk, she cried, “Next house!”
Audrey: When you die, do you go to heaven?
Me: Yes. Why do you ask?
A: I want to go there.
Me: You will, but not for a long time.
A: You don’t walk; you float there.
Me: You think so?
A: Yeah, because there’s no gravity up there.
Theresa, whisking something we’re baking: I’m an expert. I’m such a good whisker.
Me: I like it that you like cooking with me.
T: I like it that you help.
Theresa, pretending to be a turtle: My shell popped!
Me: Oh no!
T: I fixed it! With magic. And super glue!
Jamie, as it gets dark: The owls will come out now. Because they’re nocturnal. Like my godfather. [My brother works the night shift.]
Jamie: Will I get married when I’m bigger?
Me: Maybe. Some people do, and some people don’t.
J: Will I get a cupcake after I get married?
Me: Yes. [Pause] Do you know why people get married?
Me: Because they love each other.
J: I love Audrey, so when we get bigger, we can get married to each other.
[Also, Audrey wants to marry Cleo, and Theresa wants to marry Grandma Beth.]
* * *
Our kids’ preschool celebrated the feast of St. Martin of Tours with a lantern walk and release of sky lanterns into the twilight. In reflecting on recent acts of terrorism and responses of fear and rejection, I send my love and kindness into the twilight too. This answer comes back to me again and again:
Always More Love.